Me, Myself & Baby I

Out of the mouths of babes

Archive for the tag “Emily Maynard”

How Emily May Be More Hollywood Than We Realized

This season of The Bachelorette feels as contrived as the mega-Hollywood marriage that just went kaput.  Let us observe some similarities:

  1. The protective mom seeking the right father-figure for her daughter.
  2. One wore braces while the more impatient flashes shiny white veneers.
  3. Contracts.
  4. The tabloids are having a field day.
  5. Will the third time be a charm or 3 strikes you’re out?
  6. Scientology & Mormons.
  7. Ended it with Chris.
  8. It’s down to A FEW GOOD MEN—On hometown dates, Jef pulled out his TOP GUN; no CRUISE control for Arie the racecar driver and Sean pulled some RISKY BUSINESS when it came to where he lives.

While no one has jumped on any couches, the suitors have been professing their undying love and affection.

A Win By Default: Everyone Else is Seriously Flawed

Ahhhh, another Tuesday.  It’s a good thing I am not writing this week’s Bachelorette recap because I was disgusted with last night’s episode and wondering why I continue to watch the show.  Instead I am thrilled to be offering a heterosexual man’s point-of-view.

Ben Robinson was nearly considered to be nominated for a Webby for his groundbreaking Bachelor/ette/Pad recaps for TheKingsburyFactor.com. He’s 6-foot-1, tons of fun, and only tucks in his shirt at weddings. He also really likes your shoes today.

In week 3 of this Bachelorette season, I didn’t even know who Sean was. Now, I’m 100% certain he’s going to win. Here’s why.

Let me first say that I avoid spoilers like the plague, even though thanks to the Internet, spoilers are more communicative than said zoonotic disease that killed everyone. I don’t even read US Weekly covers during the season. And trust me, being a good boy and staring intently at the chewing gum section while waiting in line at the grocery checkout is really not that fun. Although those Trident Layers are pretty cool. So rest assured this is 100% untainted analysis, and all conclusions are derived from a combination of keen observation, recurring tendencies I’ve picked up on over my years of writing about the show, and a Magic 8-Ball I bought at a yard sale last weekend.

After this season’s first episode, I consulted on a Bachelorette office pool (they have those!) for a friend of mine. The idea was basically to distribute a set amount of points among the guys you thought were going to make it the most weeks into the show. I gave her an airtight Top 5 and told her to figure out how to actually award said points, because I can’t add. Right at the top of my list were Football Ryan and Arie, along with Doug because of that note he forced his kid to write under threat of no protein bars for dessert, and Nate, because he was handsome and Emily said he smelled good when he got out of the limo. For the fifth slot I tossed in One-F Jef, on a hunch I can barely even explain.

Obviously Nate was a weird mute who loved mispronouncing edible seeds beloved by healthy people, while dining in caves (“Is this keeen-ohhh-ahh?”), so that couldn’t have been more off-base. It was also very difficult to tell that Ryan was a sociopath with an overriding god complex as we watched him instruct children on the proper form for high-knees during sports warm-up drills. It’s really so much easier to pick which chick’s gonna win.

Notice that Sean is nowhere to be seen. My entire take on him after the first episode was “Sean: My only note, from when he got his rose, was ‘don’t remember him.'” Like I said, I didn’t even really notice him until week 3, when Emily’s oddly old, frighteningly horny “friend” Wendy forced him to strip and do push ups. But despite all that, and even though his early unremarkability probably cost me a friend because her me-guaranteed bracket has since gone bust, Sean’s winning this thing. And here’s why.

Let’s break him down:

Looks: Probably because I’m remarkably straight for someone who writes about the Bachelorette for fun, I’m not always the best at telling exactly how attractive women find men. But he seems to be at least handsome enough, and his Men’s Health, ex-college football player deltoids don’t hurt things. Let’s give him an 8, mainly for said deltoids.

Career: He sells insurance. 2.

Personality: Obviously not a “hey, look at me!!” kinda guy, which isn’t the worst thing in the world, especially since Emily wants to ensure everyone spends their time looking at her. At least somewhat intelligent. Quiet. Treats her how men from Texas who aren’t that possibly lobotomized dude from The Glass House tend to treat women. Easygoing; seems to get along with the other guys, which isn’t always the simplest thing. Very nice. Kinda boring. 6.

Father Potential: Claims he wants kids, but he also says literally everything right when he talks to Emily, so who knows. Sean is not a boat-rocker. He couldn’t rock a dinghy in the Perfect Storm. Seems even-keeled enough to be up to the challenge, especially with Lil’ Ricki, who you know Emily KNOWS she knows how to parent, and will not tolerate any alternative views on that, like, hey, “maybe we should get her a My Little Pony bedroom set instead of an elevated Persian bed with flowing drapery.” 7.

Intangibles: Played college football, yet is not Ryan. 9.

As I’m sure you notice, those numbers are ok but certainly not mind-blowing. And that doesn’t matter. Because when it comes down to it, this will be essentially a win by default. Everyone else is seriously flawed; Sean just happens to be less so. This is like Reagan v. Mondale, if Mondale was put up against a bunch of former or current fitness models and an Indy Car driver on a reality dating show. Sean, obviously, is Reagan, but less senile. The problems with everyone:

Jef: Ohhh, Jef. So yeah, Jef is probably not-straight. He compares children to vintage Chloe handbags and refuses to kiss Emily on highly romantic beaches. His hair takes four hours every morning to get so perfectly asymmetrically imperfect. He wears knee-high socks with shorts. His suits are way too nice. He’s very oddly good at puppeteering. He uses said puppets to tell Emily’s puppet that Jef’s puppet loves Emily’s puppet, because he is afraid of her, and probably not-straight. While I’m sure she already has a gay best friend, I can’t imagine Emily also wants a gay husband. God bless ya, though, Jef.

Arie: All season long, I’ve said Arie is going to go deep but won’t win. This is because Arie doesn’t want to win. He’s an insanely wealthy playboy race car driver who’s probably slept with as many women as Wilt Chamberlain slept with in August 1973, but that was like 700 women, so it’s pretty good. The whole sleeping with producers thing certainly didn’t help, but it did get him to a place even further along than he had been, with all the love talk she seemed to eat right up. But the fact is, he doesn’t want to be locked down at this point of his life; I always assumed his plan was to make it to the final two, then come up with some excuse to get out, so he can either 1) become the next Bachelor or 2) just go back to banging the daughters of the dudes on Dario Franchiti’s pit crew.

Chris: He’s younger than her and more than kinda losing his grip on the whole situation. His breakdown at the rose ceremony last night was more of a reason to cut him than to keep him, and I’m honestly not sure why she chose the latter. She seems to dig him for some odd reason but it’s just not happening; she can’t trust her kid with him and he’s not the smartest crayon in the shed. The advantage he has going into hometowns is he doesn’t really have to fight for her attention from here on out and keep freaking out like he likes to. Everyone gets an equal look, and he doesn’t even have to worry about even seeing the other dudes he hates so much the rest of the way. He kinda reminds me of Brad in certain ways, but you have to remember that Emily didn’t choose Brad, he chose her because she was the hottest, which she accepted because she saw the imminent value (i.e., ability to one day star on this very show) of the long con. There’s no point in conning this dude. Also, he’s kinda a spazzy loser

Which leaves Sean. Congrats, Sean! You’re just weeks away from being kinda-maybe-engaged to an admittedly knockout woman with possibly serious attention-craving issues and a daughter named after an I Love Lucy character. Now do some push ups.

Read Ben’s full recap of Episode 7 in Prague at http://www.thekingsburyfactor.com/2012/06/this-weeks-bachelorette-recap-because_26.html

Do you agree with Ben? 

Stop Shopping for a Dad

Hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Day Weekend!  Ours was fun, relaxing, delicious and very productive.  It was a big weekend for Ian filled with some cool firsts.  We got him his passport and his very own iPad.  (I’m almost embarrassed to admit this but its my first Apple product too)  So any apps you’d recommend is greatly appreciated.

I can’t even think back as far as Friday (it feels like a very long time ago)  Saturday afternoon we had a food fest at Madison Square Eats.  It’s happening through this Friday, June 1st so there’s still time to go grab a Red Hook lobster roll and/or a Roberta’s personal pizza.  Mmmmmmm!  Sunday my husband enjoyed corned beef hash from Sarge’s (which reminds me I have half a sandwich left-over for lunch)

We watched some good TV –MadMen–and plenty of not so stellar shows.

The word “Bachelorette” conjures up images of someone who looks like Emily.  Blonde, in great shape, stylish, Barbie-dollesque, great chest (verdict is still out on if they’re real or not), sweet, straight pearly whites, friendly, comfortable in her own skin……  BUT the one descriptor not on every guy’s list for the perfect bachelorette is “mom.”  Unfortunately, not even for one minute does Emily ever let anyone forget that she is a mom.

As writer Aly Walansky tweeted last night, “If there’s a lot more to you than being a mom, Emily, why do you speak about NOTHING ELSE?”

As she interrogates the guys I want to scream, “Stop shopping for a DAD.”

I also wanted to scream to Tony to go home where you are loved.  I have so much respect for Emily telling Tony to go home to his son Taylor.  That’s where he belongs.

Just because producers put good-looking people together doesn’t mean sparks will fly, there will be crazy entertainment that translates to the TV viewers.  I am BORED to tears so far.  A fan tweeted Chris Harrison last night asking when they leave North Carolina.  I don’t think it matters where in the world they are.  On the plus side, I am enjoying Emily’s wardrobe and Possessionista’s commentary on it.

As Emily continues to weed out the boys from the men, I remain optimistic that this show can find the magic it once had.  The good eggs are Doug and Sean.  I don’t know what everyone sees in Jef.  He certainly doesn’t scream father material to me.  Although I could see him as a cool Big Brother.  Ryan was my early favorite –but more as the next Bachelor than Emily’s future mate.  I am thrilled Stevie is gone.

Next week’s episode is on my birthday (June 4th) so I hope they make it extra special for me in Bermuda.  Cast and crew stayed at Rosewood Tucker’s Point.  I think there’s a two-on-one date which means one contestant will be forced to leave on the date.  Ouch!  Will it be one of your favs?

Emily & I Know You Have to Kiss A lot of Frogs

Some families have a crest.  Or a fancy, distinguishable last name.  Our family has a mascot.  It’s a frog to be specific.  How did a FROG of all objects become Team Gutterman’s mascot?  I’ve always been a hopeless romantic.  I grew up believing that if you kiss enough frogs, one is guaranteed to turn into your very own Prince Charming.  And that’s exactly what happened for me.

There’s always been a special place in my heart for The Muppets (maybe it’s because of my love affair with sweet frogs like Kermit)  Last year, I was super excited to attend an advance screening of The Muppet Movie and reviewed it for Babygizmo.  I also loved the Miss Piggy fashion spread in In Style.

So last week when I saw a few fun sneak peaks of Emily’s group date involving Kermit & Miss Piggy, I immediately put out a search for a Muppet aficionado to pen this week’s Bachelorette guest post.  I thought for sure between Facebook and Twitter, I would turn up the perfect person.  But alas, no such luck.  Jason Segal was unavailable–apparently he’s trying to make a Five Year Engagement work or something about Michelle Williams.

On the group date, 13 bachelors take to the stage and join Emily and the beloved Muppets for a live performance benefitting The Ricky Hendrick Centers for Intensive Care at The Levine Children’s Hospital.  I especially like that charity component.  See the sneak peek footage here  http://bcove.me/2258itf1

You Have To Kiss A Few Frogs Before You Meet Your Prince

The men also get a pleasant surprise when they see Ricki for the first time as she joins her mother and The Muppets in a special performance.  That evening at the swank after party, the competition for Emily’s attention heats up: Chris is all smiles as the Bachelorette gushes over his looks; Stevie treats her to a slow dance but gets interrupted by the overconfident Kalon; and Jef finally starts to open up to Emily.

Although I am skeptical, I really hope that Emily finds The Rainbow Connection.  I guess it depends on what your definition of “The Rainbow Connection” is.  If as this image depicts, it’s about achieving success in Hollywood, than she is more than on her way.  But even fame and success won’t keep you warm and content alone at night.

There has been a tremendous amount of press and blog posts on last Monday’s 90 minute season 8 premiere of The Bachelorette.  One of my favorite pieces that hits the nail on the head is Mary Fischer’s (AKA The Mommyologist) piece on Cafe Mom’s The Stir, 7 Ways ‘Bachelorette’ Emily Maynard’s Season Will Change the Show Forever, which reminds viewers:

1. The Mom FactorEmily may be a single lady looking for love, but she’s a mom first and foremost. She’ll want to set a good example for her daughter, Ricki, so I’m anticipating a lot less smooching, zero skinny dipping, and ground rules being firmly laid down before any fantasy suites are visited. She’ll get to know these men by talking to them and spending quality time with them — not by playing tonsil hockey.

Read the rest of Fischer’s insightful piece http://thestir.cafemom.com/entertainment/137555/7_ways_bachelorette_emily_maynards

From last week’s Season Premiere, 31-year-old Ryan Bowers is by far my favorite guy in the house.  I personally expected a better bunch of males for the beautiful Emily.  Regardless of how beautiful Arie is, I think it’s cruel to have a racecar driver as one of Emily’s suitors.  Actually, let’s make Ryan the next Bachelor and this is how I’d like to script the ending of this season.  Now that Chris Harrison is back in the dating pool, I think he should whisk Emily away.  Although if Brad is her type, Chris Harrison seems to be nothing at all like him.

Tune in at 9PM EST for tonight’s episode.

PLEASE NOTE:  I am seeking weekly Guest Bachelorette Bloggers so if you have any sort of involvement with the show &/or are a fan with a unique perspective, please reach out to me.

Ricki Adds New Dynamic to this Season of The Bachelorette

Thanks to my obsession of The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise and my non-stop networking on social media, I have established a friendship with Ashley Elgin who is doing today’s guest Bachelorette blog post.

Ashley is a self-proclaimed Bachelor expert, reality TV fan, and a Stella and Dot Independent Stylist.  Here’s her thoughts on how Emily’s daughter Ricki factors into the equation on this season of The Bachelorette.

Emily Maynard is The Bachelorette. Emily, a single mother to six-year-old Ricki, will make this season different.

There have been single  parents on the Bachelor and Bachelorette before, but Jason Mesnick is the single parent lead. Ty was not present in Jason’s process, until the end of his season. Ty could stay with his mother during the taping, unlike Ricki, whose father is deceased.

Robert Mills, Bachelor producer, tweeted Ricki’s involvement in the show to Jennifer Weiner, “I’ll say this: you’ll see more of her than Ty but not much more. All organic and non-exploitive.”

Some fans have displayed their concern for Ricki being exposed on The Bachelorette. She adds a new dynamic to the show. The show moved to Charlotte, NC, where Emily lives, to tape the beginning of the show. This kept Ricki in her environment as long as possible. When the show started traveling, Ricki went along. Fans worry little Ricki may be on television too much, but I know Emily will not put her in harm’s way. Ricki being involved will make the show better. She will not necessarily be on screen all of the time, just because she is there.

Michelle Money caught a lot of flack for going on The Bachelor Pad, but people did not know she was able to take Brielle with her. Of course she was not shown at the challenges and dates, but she was near Michelle.

 

I think we will get to see Ricki on the show, but for a while it might just be with Emily. Having Ricki present will be a constant reminder of what is at stake. There have been Bachelor contestants in the past that get caught up in the process and make irrational decisions. Emily has to choose a person that is best not only for her, but Ricki. They are very much a package deal. If there are two guys who Emily is in love with, and one gets along with Ricki better, he is going to have the greatest chance.

The guys know coming in that she is a single mother. There should not be any surprises, since they knew who they were applying to meet. Emily explained to Brad, how she could not go away for a weekend, and leave Ricki. The guy who Emily chooses will have to be ready to attend soccer games, stay at home on Friday nights and take care of a sick child.

There are supposed to be single dad(s) on this season of The Bachelorette. This will be a good common ground for conversations. Ultimately, I do not think Emily will end up with someone who is already a dad. Emily expressed she would like to have more children, she will need a guy who is ready to be a father to Ricki, and wants to have children. Blending families would be very difficult on the guy, his children, Emily and Ricki. Jason had a single mother, Stephanie, on his season. She made it far on his season, but was sent home before the hometown dates.

I cannot wait to see how this season plays out, and watch Emily find love. It will be interesting to watch Emily balance the journey to find love and being a great mother. If anyone can, it will be Emily.

Follow Ashley at @bachelorexpert and at http://www.bachelorexpert.com/

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