Me, Myself & Baby I

Out of the mouths of babes

& The Butterflies in My Stomach Drowned Everything Else Out

Prior to tying the knot on April 28, 2012 and moving to Boston, 2012, fellow publicist/friend Megan Kessler was my weekly Monday night date to watch The Bachelor franchise with, along with enjoying Chinese food and a good bottle of wine.  So I had to get this reality junkie’s take on this season’s Bachelorette.

Me & Megan on her wedding day

“If Rikki were baggage, she’d be a Chloe handbag”…

And if you were into Emily – or women for that matter – you wouldn’t have said that, Jef.

I’m not going to kick this off with the much-anticipated one-on-one date shared by Sean and Emily.  I think that date speaks for itself. If we could fast forward to the final proposal night, I think there are two guys who we all know will be there – Sean and Arie (or maybe Ryan, by some miracle, but Sean without a doubt).

So let’s get back to what was, by far, the most cringe-worthy date of the night – Emily and Jef.

Every season there is that one guy that just keeps hanging on for whatever perplexing reason.  This season, it’s Jef.  Sure, he’s a great dresser, easygoing, rocks a crazy faux-hawk, and looks kind of like one of those teen dreamboats from the ‘80’s movies, but there is absolutely NO chemistry between him and Emily.  And now, I think we all know why.  You have got to love how Emily just keeps telling Jef episode after episode that she thinks he’s “just not that into her.” It seems to me she’s so obsessed with the fact that he’s not fawning all over her that she’s missing the point:  this guy is NOT going to be the father of your kid, and he’s NOT going to have a million babies with you.  He might hang out with you and all your mom friends to gossip in park, go clothes shopping with you, and have “dance parties” with you and Rikki.

Now, that said, I can’t blame really blame Emily for wanting to have a conversation that’s actually interesting with one of her many suitors.  The rest of the crew has a shared vocabulary which seems to include only “Emily looks beautiful tonight,” “Emily is gorgeous,” and “I’m ready to be a dad.”  So, yeah, I can see why she might want to keep Jef around for his gift of gab.  But please, oh please, let’s not have any more make out sessions with these two!

Next up, Daddy Doug’s blabber mouth…  I’ve thought that Doug is a weirdo from day one, so I really enjoyed all of his murderous facial expressions as he kept getting ABSOLUTELY NO CREDIT from Emily for clueing her in to Kalon’s transgression.  She just kept saying over and over again “I can’t believe none of you told me what Kalon said – none of you stuck up for me!”  Meanwhile, we all watched as goody-two-shoes Doug blabbed the entire thing to her – and confronted Kalon before he did it.  I have to give Doug credit, though.  I must have taken a lot of will not to “remind” her that she’d still be in the dark if not for him.  I was practically yelling this at the TV screen last night.  Not that I’d want to see her with Doug anyway – but seriously, this guy just keeps getting screwed over.   I guess he did get the first rose, though, so that was Emily’s not-so-subtle way of thanking him.

On the same note, Arie being last to get a rose definitely got Emily’s point across that not even the most smoldering of kisses will make up for him being a lame duck during her Kalon confrontation.  I’m on Arie’s side on this one, though.  If I’m in the middle of yelling at someone, I’d prefer that my man stay out of it and just agree with me later that I’m not crazy and I had every right to totally flip out.  I wouldn’t want – or need, for that matter – for him to jump into my argument and say threatening things.  I guess that’s what Emily wants, though, so maybe she should go for Chris, who won’t “stand down” to anyone, especially not Daddy Doug.

As for Sean, I think we can all agree that he’s just about the most adorable man on the planet.  I couldn’t get enough of his and Emily’s make-out session before the rose ceremony. I actually don’t even remember what they were talking about – the “butterflies in my heart” drowned everything else out.

And I’ve never said that before…seriously!


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